American poet Edwin Markham was approaching his retirement years when he discovered that the man to whom he had entrusted his wealth had squandered all the money. His dream of a comfortable retirement vanished. He started to brood over the injustice and the loss. His anger deepened. Over time, his bitterness grew more intensely. One day, while sitting at his table, Markham found himself drawing circles as he tried to soothe the turmoil he felt within. Finally, he concluded: “I must forgive him, and I will forgive him.” Looking again at the circles he had drawn on the paper before, Markham wrote these famous lines: “He drew a circle to shut me out – heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. / But Love and I had the wit to win: we drew a circle that took him in!”
To forgive, as defined by the Webster’s New World Dictionary, is “to give up resentment against or to give up the desire to punish; pardon; to overlook an offense; to cancel a debt.” Thus, the goal of forgiveness is to let go of a hurt and move ahead with life. The Holy Bible has taught us why we should forgive and how we should do it. The Lord’s Prayer told us: “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Also in the same vein, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14).
“Forgiveness is our command,” C. Neil Strait said. “Judgment is not.” Remember the story of the woman who was caught in adultery, as chronicled in the Book of John (8:1-11)? She was brought by the teachers of the law and the Pharisees before Jesus and asked what they need to do, for the Law of Moses commanded them to stone the adulteress. Although indirectly, He told the group: “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” No one dared; in fact, they went away, one at a time, until only Jesus was left and the woman. “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” Jesus asked. “No one, sir,” the woman replied. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS
This reminds me of an anecdote that took place during a Sunday school among children. The teacher had just concluded her lesson and wanted to make sure she had made her point. She inquired, “Can anyone tell me what you must do before you can obtain forgiveness of sin?” There was a short interval of silence and then, from the back of the room, a five-year-old girl spoke up. “Sin,” she said.
That may be funny, but forgiving someone is one of the hardest things to do. If someone has committed something against you, don’t allow hatred to overpower you. “Withholding forgiveness and nursing resentment simply allow another person to have control over your well-being,” wrote Victor M. Parachin in an article, The Big F. “It is always a mistake to allow such negative emotions to influence your living. Forgive, and you will be able to direct your life in positive thoughts and actions.”
Six months ago, Bill was fired from his work. Today, he is back working in the same company. But his boss is totally surprised when Bill is turning in a superior work. “What happened to make such a difference in you?” the boss asked. Bill shared: “When I was in college, I was part of a fraternity initiation committee. We placed the new members in the middle of a long stretch of road. I was to drive my car at a great speed straight at them. The challenge was for them to stand firm until a signal was given to jump out of the way. It was a dark night. I had reached 120 kilometers an hour and saw their looks of terror. The signal was given and everyone jumped clear – except one boy.
IT CHANGED MY LIFE
“I left college after that. I later married and have two children. The look on that boy’s face as I ran over him at 120 kilometers an hour stayed in my mind. I became hopelessly inconsistent, moody, and finally became a problem drinker. My wife had to work to bring in the only income we had. I was drinking at home, one morning, when someone knocked at the door. I opened it to find myself facing a woman who seemed strangely familiar. She told me she was the mother of the boy I had killed years before. She said that she had hated me and spent agonizing nights rehearsing ways to get revenge. I then listened as she told me of the love and forgiveness that had come when she gave her heart to Christ. She said, ‘I have come to let you know that I forgive you and I want you to forgive me.’ I looked deep into her eyes that morning, and there I saw the permission to be the kind of man I might have been had I never killed that boy. That forgiveness changed my whole life.”
“If you have a thing to pardon, pardon it quickly,” Arthur W. Pinero once points out. “Slow forgiveness is little better than no forgiveness.” But how many times should you forgive a person? The Bible told us of Peter asking Jesus Christ how many times he should forgive a person who sinned against him. Seven times? Jesus answered: “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” To forgive is not enough; you should also forget all the wrongdoings the person has committed against you. “Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note, torn in two and burned up, so that it never can be shown against the wrongdoer.”
